☎️ Baby Name Hotline: Opposite Extremes

What to do when you're torn between two very different styles?

A warm welcome back to the Baby Name Hotline!

Here, we let you in on the conversation as we discuss one reader’s burning baby name question – and then we throw open the floor to our brilliant Berries for you to have your say.

And don’t forget to add your own question in the comments below for a chance to have it answered in a future edition 🙌

If, like me, you’re someone with wide-ranging name tastes who has been known to debate the merits of Anna vs. Apolline or Felix vs. Finvarra, today’s dilemma will speak to you!

Cassie writes…

Our first son is due this fall and we’re stuck between what feels like two extremes for his name!

When we first started discussing names before TTC, we agreed pretty quickly on a bunch of nice, traditional boy names that we could both see ourselves using: things like Miles, Alexander, Theodore, Sebastian and Gabriel.

Now we’re actually expecting, these names still feel like great choices in theory, but they seem a bit… generic? Like I love them on other kids, but I’m not sure they feel like our son. But then part of me thinks maybe this is normal? Is it just pregnancy hormones and new parent nerves talking?

We looked into other options and came across another name we absolutely love, but it’s just SO different from the others we considered, and I don’t know if that should be a red flag? The name is Cosmo.

Other relevant info is that we both have C names (Cassie and Chris), and our surname also ends in O (think Marino). Plus, we live in a small town where names are generally very traditional. I worry that all this combined makes Cosmo way too “extra” for us, but something about it just clicked when we saw it.

We’d really appreciate your and your readers’ thoughts. We’re open to new suggestions too!

Emma: Congratulations on your son 💙

To address your first question first: yes, it is quite normal for your feelings about names to change once a baby is on the way. The difficulty is working out why.

For many new parents – especially first-time parents – it can simply take a while for the reality to sink in, and until this point name discussions can feel unsettlingly abstract. My own daughter was called by a staggering array of pet names until she was a few months old for this reason!

For others, it can be a genuine style shift or a more clear-sighted focus on what you actually want in your child’s name.

It’s much easier to okay options that you like but don’t feel a particular connection to when it’s a fun pre-TTC discussion, but when there’s an actual tiny human on the way, things just got real! To me, the latter sounds more like your situation.

Pam: The specific choices may change, but this may be one of the most central name questions of all. Plain or fancy? That’s the first question parents ask themselves, though they may not ask in those words or that consciously.

Do they want a name that’s in step with the times, that’s widely used and familiar to everyone, like Miles or Alexander? Or do they want a name that’s… extra, like Cosmo? A name that’s going to stand out, that is unique in any or all senses of that word, a name that commands attention?

It’s a big decision, and one you may only be able to answer instinctually. In this case, your heads vote plain, but your hearts vote fancy.

It’s great that you and your partner both vote the same way! When I was naming actual babies of my own, my vote was always fancy and my then-husband’s, plain. As a result, our kids have kind of hybrid names, plain first + fancy middle or vice versa. I’d call this a mostly unsatisfying compromise.

If Cosmo feels exciting but maybe scary – especially given that C initial and O ending – try exploring in the same direction for other choices. There are a lot of great “names similar to Cosmo” on the Cosmo page: Atlas? Lazarus? Magnus?

Click any of these names and you’ll find more possibilities that may appeal, both plain (Cyrus) and fancy (Lysander). It’s a journey worth taking, even if you end up back at the safety of Miles.

Sophie: There’s a helpful exercise I like to employ in times like this.

Pretend you already have a son named Cosmo and now you’re naming your second kid. Come up with names for Cosmo’s younger sibling – what seems like a good fit? Are you ruling certain choices out because they’re too plain next to Cosmo?

Repeat the exercise pretending you have a son named Miles or Sebastian or Alexander. What would you name his younger sibling?

Now compare your lists. Do you envision your children with names like Cosmo, Imogen and Magnus, or Miles, Eleanor and Theodore?

Because while there’s no rule that you can’t have a Cosmo and a Gabriel in the same sibset, chances are you’ll be drawn to sparkier names for future children with a son named Cosmo, and more classic names with a son named Gabriel.

If your heart beats for the funkier set, that’s another sign that Cosmo is the right choice for this baby. If you’re drawn back to the traditionals for future children, Cosmo is probably a style outlier for you.

If the latter is true, you may be happier with a name that splits the difference between Cosmo and the classics. Something that’s familiar, with a funky edge. Maybe: Amos, Conrad, Dexter, Lowen, Otto, Phineas, Quincy, Soren, Walter…

Pam: What you both feel for Cosmo is what many parents are seeking and having trouble finding when it comes to a name. I’m going to call it love. Maybe it doesn’t make sense, maybe it runs counter to your theories, but you love it anyway.

In my book, love always wins. Choosing a name you love on a gut-deep level will make you happy every time you say it, always. Or at least that’s my experience.

While making a plainer more practical choice will make you feel… exactly the way you’d feel if you chose your spouse that way. Calm but maybe bored? Like you’d settled for safety and wish you’d been bolder and braver, had followed your heart?

Readers, over to you 🎤

Vote for your favorite of the options below and add your own suggestions for Cassie and Chris in the comments!